Shattered Mind
by Sampsonknight
Summary: After April finding herself in a cage makes an unsettling discovery, she finds herself in a situation she never thought possible. As she sacrifices everything, her way of life, to make things right. (TMNT CC are AU based on 2003 versions, April is 23 as the turtles are 20)
1. Part 1 - (Day 1)

**Shattered Mind - Part 1 – (Day 1)**

Her legs dragged against the white clean tile floor, confusion filled her head, no matter how many times she made some attempt her body refused to move.

Silent screams only could escape her for her voice wouldn't function, with all her strength she fought diligently against the drug that coursed through her veins, blurring her vision as she squinted hazily at her surroundings.

Voices on either side of her were shady, reminding her of some acid trip stereotype of scene in a movie of people talking, sickness reeked havoc in the pit of her stomach.

(How… could I have been so… careless?)

Knowing her captors all to well, she had met the two thugs in the past, resulting in them getting their noses and other body parts broken by her.

She wasn't the violent type, yet when it came down to her protecting herself she will go the lengths needed to survive the ordeal, with these two oafs she had no choice.

(I should have seen it coming…)

Revenge burned in the two men's minds as they waited for her during her normal routine, jumping her when she believed she was safe, before she could resist they cleverly drugged her which was not ever expected from or thought possible for these two men, no doubt in fear of repeating past encounters.

A clipping sound snapped her to attention accompanied by the sound of a door opening, her body jerked as she slammed down to the ground of some cold surface.

Peering up in the distance a green haze was present, unsure what she was seeing, the haze became dark as she felt her head lighten resulting in her passing out.

A stench so foul that no words could explain invaded her nostrils, coughing grasping her shirt to cover her sensitive, sense of smell, she opened her eyes, to her relief whatever she was given had worn off allowing her to think clearly and see her surrounding, with out the feeling of suffering tunnel vision.

The ground was metal as she peered up towards the area that the green haze she had noticed earlier, hoping to finally figure out what she saw, in her horror, he hung there.

(Oh my god what is this…)

There on the other side of the three foot high prison forced to sit on his knees for he must have been more then five feet tall, his arms chained forcefully up over his head, as a another chain was around his neck.

Even in the dark she could see his pale green skin covered with what she couldn't make out as his beautiful rich brown eyes lost of all emotions, as if someone had torn his own soul out.

(Donnie?!…)

Donatello, a turtle she has met once in the past, when he bravely saved her from falling to her death, when she slipped on a patch of ice on her roof while she was taking some pictures.

Back then when she first met him, he left before she could ever thank him, sure most people would have freaked at him, but why would she be so rude to someone that just saved her.

Not knowing much about him, or the other three that were always accompanying him, and being a freelance photographer that loved taking pictures of scenery had put her in a position to notice the purple clad turtle.

Realizing he avoided humans for a reason she couldn't blame him, she never approached him, only knowing his name from the others calling it, she was surprised to see him in this condition or in this place at all.

Looking at the tortured turtle she realized where the smells were coming from, they left him in his own excrements.

(Those eyes please don't tell me they did that to him…)

The sickening feeling in her stomach turned, not from the gagging stench in the air, but because she knew what he was going through, those vacant staring eyes are only associated with someone that has been broken, mentally and physically, in the back of her mind a thought plagued her, why was she here, or him?

To answer her, a clicking sound went off as cold icy water pounded on her from above, not meaning too, she screeched in shock.

"She is awake that's good! Now here is where the fun begins, how much you will bet she wont stop screaming when she notices the freak," a voice came beyond the door from her and Donnie's cage.

(Those psychos, how many times have they done this to him?!)

Shivers shot down her spine, at the mere thought of how long he has been here, having humans thrown into his cage in order for them to act in pure terror towards him for what he was.

In the mean while he probably only wanted them to help him, fighting the tears she had to think fast, she needed to get out of this place and get him out, she owe him that much at least.

Her horrible shower drenching her clothes making her shiver actually gave her an idea, she watched the sprinklers on the top of the cage, finally they stopped spraying her and started to move up into a small compartment.

Quickly she grabbed hold of one, trying not to loosen her grip, with one free hand she yanked off her black cord necklace, it stung her, ignoring it she wrapped it around the top of the sprinkler to give herself more of a hold onto it.

Pulling hard, she put her weight into it as she could hear the gears above bow and screeched from her efforts.

Sounds of warning beeps echoed within the room beyond the cage as she could hear the men started to spaz on each other, not knowing what was going on.

Another click, she knew it was for the door, as it opened she let go of the water spout rushing forward, catching one of the men off guard.

(I knew you weren't that smart!)

Pinning the man down she kicked high, as her foot made a direct impact to the gut of the other thug as he fell down onto his knees.

Refocusing back to the man she was on top of, she slammed her fist into his jaw as blood splattered from his mouth and the force knocked him out.

Jumping to her feet, she gave it her all in her next kick to the man on his knees, making contact to his face; his body skidded across the ground rendering him unconscious.

Huffing, out winded she grasped the wall, her strength wasn't up to par, to her dread, she knew she wouldn't have anymore to give on another fight.

Peering back to the cage door, she contemplated on how she was going to get him out of there.

(You can't tell me some always crawls in there just to bind him up…)

On the side of the cage at the end where Donnie was, seemed to be some sort of door, with no time wasting she went to examine it, hoping that it was the key to her dilemma, for time was short, and who knows who could show up at any moment.

Beside the door was a control panel, looking it over, it seem simple enough, as she crossed her fingers pressing a button, to her relief it open the door.

Looking inside she could see his condition fully, as she took note of the smell and the scars that covered his body that never healed right, his head slowly looked up, emotionless, lost, confused.

She gulped. (Did they leave anything of him left, or had they decimated everything that was him?)

Shaking her head she had no time for this, as she attempted another button, with a cling the sound of cuffs opened.

Focusing back to him, his arms drop not on his own accord, but by gravity itself, as he just continued to stare, kneeling down to his level, she smiled sweetly offering her hand while she spoke softly to him, "Donnie, my name is April O'Neil, do you want to come with me, out of this place?"

She waited patiently hoping he would give some response, any would do, for April knew if she just grabbed him, it could break him more.

Nervously she became fearful, (What if he's totally lost…) suddenly his hand moved towards hers, as he lightly placed it over her own, other then that no more response came from him, that response insignificant as it may seem was huge, as she took his hand putting it around her shoulders.

With a big breath, April managed to get him onto his feet, hoping he still understood how to walk or had the energy to do so; she became wary as he demonstrated he was incapable.

(I have no other way then to carry him…but first these other bozos!)

Carefully April dragged Donnie to the side as she slowly put him down, while she tried to rise he grabbed her hand, with a sweet smile she rubbed it, "I am not leaving you I promise, I just have to make sure these thugs don't come after us."

Letting go of his hand, he allowed her to get up, going towards the first man she dragged him over to the door that was where Donnie was, she literally threw the man inside then closed the door.

Then the other man she placed him in the cage through the door they used to put her in, not to far from it was another control panel, like the other one, she easily figured out how to close the door.

Quickly she went back to Donnie, still unresponsive April help him up again, still not able to walk she lifted him over her, using her back and knees to support his weight she headed towards the direction she remembered she was dragged through, with luck she might not run into anyone.

As memory served her right the men had a van and parked it in a garage, maybe she can find that van and get them both out.

Ignoring the pain in her legs as they tried to buckle, she steadied her breathing, forcing herself to press forward, she couldn't give up regardless how tired she was, if they were caught, they would only place Donnie back into his cage and as for her, she didn't want to think of it.

"We're almost there Donnie," she assured him, as he wrapped his hand around hers.

(Please luck be on my side and that we don't run into anyone!)

Down the hallway was a set of doors, she looked upon them they were familiar to her, to her recollection she only went through two set of doors, these ones should bring her to a set of stairs that led down.

Not far from those doors was an elevator, as she examined it the thing stated what floor they were on and that they would need to go down three floors to get to the parking lot.

(Should I risk taking the elevator? What if someone else is using it?)

As she look back to the stairs door, she dreaded the thought of caring Donnie down so many floors, but the same time how many people actually uses the stairs these days?

The true reason the two thugs used them was to hurt her as she recalled the pain in her ankles from the multiple times they banged against the concrete stairs as they dragged her up to the current floor.

With a sigh she knew fully well she had no other choice, "Ok Donnie were going to have to take the stairs, bare with me I promise not to drop you."

Heading towards the door, she slowly opened it looking inside first before entering the shaft, with the coast clear she ventured on.

Her body screamed in pain, narrowly avoiding tripping over her own feet down the stairs she finally reached the bottom.

(So far so good.)

Luck on her side she didn't have any unexpected individuals showing up in the stairway, as she stared at the door that led to the parking lot that luck, might fade quite quickly.

"Donnie, please you must be quiet for this one, if I put you down it doesn't mean I am leaving you ok," figuring he wouldn't make a sound anyways she wanted to make sure he knew what was going on.

The door ajar she popped her head in taking a quick look about, it was indeed a parking lot and not to far from where she was, was the van she was brought in.

There wasn't a soul insight she took the chance and made her way to the van.


	2. Part 2 (Day 1 - 3hrs later)

**Shattered Mind - Part 2 – (Day 1 / 3 hrs later)**

* * *

Day 1 / 3 hours later

* * *

Almost collapsing from fatigue, April managed to get to the top of the stairs that led towards her apartment, after two and a half grueling hours of practically carrying Donnie to her home, she didn't know if she could take his weight anymore.

Not taking the chance of the thugs finding out where she lived, she parked the van far way from home and took the journey by foot from there on.

To her luck being the dead of night, there weren't many people around making it easy for her to carry a 5,4 foot turtle on her back.

Which was the easy part, but the part that started to hinder her was the pain she felt and the wounds she gained on the way when she almost dropped Donnie many times wiping out in the back allies.

Dirty from her walk and the filth from Donnie, she definitely wasn't any rose and probably smelled something worse then death, to her relief she didn't have to worry about anyone around.

Living in a building once owned by her father which only had an antique shop and the top apartment was hers, she lived in peace of mind, which was a great atmosphere for her to take care of Donnie.

Setting Donnie down beside her door she leaned her head against it as she desperately tried to calm her breathing and gather her strength again, "You know what Donnie, I think this is the most exercise I have had in months, all in a couple of hours," she chuckled lightly as she smiled at him.

Unresponsive he stared at her; she let out a silent sigh. (I wish he would do something other then stare at me… either way I can't show him my frustration for it might just hinder him more…)

Placing her fingers on the top of the door frame feeling for the spare key she left there, in her escape she didn't have the time to find were the thugs put her belongings.

In one sense she didn't care, for when they ambushed her, she only had in her possession her keys and lose change, she was after all just getting her evening coffee before heading home.

Wrapping her fingers around the key she opened her door; as she pushed it open she hesitated on entering, she was skeptical on finding home sweet home as is, not to be over turned or worse someone hiding waiting for her to return.

Darkness was all she could see beyond the door, reaching in, she felt the wall for her light switch, as her living room light came to life it revealed a clean neat home, with all her belonging as is, relieved she went to Donnie helping him up again.

Entering the apartment she smiled at him sweetly, "Donnie welcome to my home, I hope your ok with staying with me. For I don't have a clue on how to find the others that you were always around…," she didn't know where they where or if they were still back in that place, she shook her head she can't fill her head with such thoughts, she had to focus on one task, Donnie.

Closing her door with her foot April led Donnie towards the bathroom.

(First on the list of priorities is to get him washed up, a bath might help him in many ways. Maybe I should clean up myself, a new pair of clothes will do for now, I can always take a shower afterwards when I get him settled.)

In the bathroom April leaned Donnie against the wall as she got the bath water ready, making sure it wasn't too hot or cold, when she was satisfied with its temperature she turned her focus back to Donnie who was staring at her like normal.

Kneeling down to his level she looked him in the eyes, "Donnie I will be right back I need to get a fresh pair of clothes on before I give you a bath, is that ok?"

No response from him, she got up walking out of the bathroom, knowing it was best to keep the door open she went to her room and got changed, as she returned to the bathroom, Donnie was suddenly leaning against the bathtub sitting on the ground with his hand dipped in it.

(He moved…?)

Taking a cloth she dipped it into the tub to wash her face and hands, "So Donnie is the water to your liking?"

He didn't look up at her, yet continued to stare into the water.

"Do you want me to help you into the bath?" She offered her hand, waiting for him to do something he finally looked up at her but did nothing more.

"Ok why don't I just wipe you down for now, when you're ready to get in just give me your hand."

Taking the cloth she started to wipe him down, slowly brushing the cloth down his arm, she made sure to watch his response, as the dirt blacken the cloth.

Rinsing the cloth she took his other arm noticing the extent of the scars that were quite visible, they seemed to have been made by some sort of sharp object, diagonally in rows starting from his elbow and ending towards his wrist.

Pondering why anyone would cut him so, the thought came to mind, for Donnie being a mutant does he heal the same as she.

If not the scars look like they where some sort of test or maybe an experiment to see how fast he healed, for the first scar that was closer to his elbow seemed more visible then the ones that reached the wrist.

(What if they did more then just torture him? Is it possible they experimented on him too, who knows what they did to him or injected him with…)

Feeling uneasy April stopped what she was doing, she started to wonder if she was the right person to watch Donnie, for truth be told she had no clue if he was a mutant or not or anything about him at all.

Looking at his blank stares even though they had no emotion they pleaded to her for help, for her to care for him, in a way although there was no signs of it, April deep inside had a strong sense from him that he appreciated what she was doing for him.

With a smile she knew it was best she took her doubts and fears and throw them away, for who would help him other then her, she couldn't think of a single soul that would, and she couldn't very well leave him to just find the other turtles.

With great care she continued, wiping down his plastron, legs, he didn't seem upset which was a good sign, or signs of discomfort, he seemed like he trusted her.

Moments later after April drained the water wiping down the tub to make a new fresh bath for him, to continue to clean him, Donnie gave his hand to her, "So you want to go in now, ok lets do this then."

April got up helping Donnie into the bath, his body sank down into the warm water, still no emotion from him, yet for a second she swore there was a moment of serenity to him, then nothing.

Letting him soak April looked over the condition of his shell, "I don't think this cloth would do much justice in cleaning your shell Donnie," thinking about it she did recall having a thick bristle scrub brush she used to clean her pots, if she rinsed it she could use that instead.

"Donnie I will be one sec, keep your head above the water ok," uneasy on the notion of leaving him in the tub alone, she rushed out to the kitchen, under her sink she searched for it, this was the last place she recalled seeing it.

Returning back with the scrub brush in hand, Aprils heart leaped into her throat, in her horror she found Donnie fully submerged under the water.

"DONNIE!" dropping the brush she rush towards him, grabbing his shoulders she pulled him up, he only looked at her with no acknowledgment on what just occurred or what he did was wrong.

Surprisingly he didn't gasp for air, just continued breathing like nothing happened, eyes widening as fear had a hold of her, she tried desperately to hold back the tears as she held him while rubbing his head.

"Donnie…please I know you're a turtle, but don't do that again. What if you drowned, I wouldn't live with myself if something happened to you," with a breath she looked away for the tears couldn't be stopped for he scared her so much, the mere thought of him dying on her in her care was unthinkable, she realized he needed more attention then she originally considered.

She would have to keep a close eye on him, for it was apparent he didn't understand the simplest of things, like a child he was oblivious of the dangers that life had.

Picking up the brush she went behind him as she soaped it up then started to clean his shell, despite the fact he never responded on things, April believed Donnie understood her frantic state by the way she reacted to him going under the water, as she noticed he didn't make any more attempt to do so.

Finished washing him and destroying the brush that had seen better days before it ever met Donnie's shell, he was now clean as a whistle for April could now see the true color of his skin a brilliant green, as well he smelled a lot better.

(He has so many scars…) Now all his scars where more visible not covered by dirt and guck, he had some on his legs and one on his left side of his cheek, his shell was scratched up and there was a few chips around the edges.

His wrists as she tried not to think about it, were caused no doubt by the cuffs that bound him when he still had the strength to fight back.

Emptying the water and giving him a rinse she helped him to get out of the bath onto the tile floor, covering him with a large soft towel she dried him carefully, then she noticed it.

A yellowish liquid forming on the floor, (He just peed on my floor… I guess being in that cage he lost all control and understanding when it comes to going to the washroom. I wonder if he even remembers how to use a toilet anymore?)

She felt sorry for him, but made sure to show that she wasn't angry or disappointed for this wasn't his fault, she sweetened her voice, "I guess you had an accident. Its ok Donnie, I don't blame you, these things happen. There is no reason to be ashamed we will work on this together to make sure that this doesn't happen again. Why don't we clean this up and rinse you off."


	3. Part 3 - (Month 1)

**Shattered Mind - Part 3 – (Month 1)**

* * *

**_Month 1_**

* * *

Tapping the pen against her lips April contemplated on the decision she had to make, what groceries she needed to order, what would Donnie like to eat today?

List in hand she had to make sure to write everything down she would need to get to restock her cupboards and to make that nights supper.

Taking care of Donnie was a 24hr job, she had no time to leave the apartment, still being very ill she feared he wouldn't be able to cope with it and there was no one she could trusted to watch him until she returned.

Still not sure in how to find the other turtles she started to take the role of his caretaker, feeding him, bathing him, and trying to help him as much as she can.

The past four weeks weren't easy, at times she wanted to cry from the stress, seeing him in his condition was not for the faint at heart, with little response and not knowing how he would respond to things, it was a gamble at times.

When the burden of watching him came to much to bare, she found herself sitting in her living room with the window open letting the summer air in to clear her mind, it was the only thing that worked, the hardest part was not to let Donnie see her distraught, fearing that it would affect him in some negative way.

Yet by some miracle she managed and although Donnie's response wasn't much better he was improving a bit in other areas, which alone made her continue on without losing total hope, no matter how hard it was, burned in her mind was one saying that pushed her, "One day at a time, tomorrow is anew."

Closing her eyes, she knew things could be a lot worse, with a silent sigh she smiled as she picked up the phone, "Yes, can I order the following for delivery…," April started to instruct the nearby grocery store that did delivery, on what she needed.

When she was done she entered her bedroom where Donnie was laying, sitting on her bed which at the moment had became Donnie's, she tucked him in, "Donnie why don't you take a nap, if you want I can read a story to you if you'd like?" she noticed reading soothed his lost soul.

Picking up the hobbit, it seemed like Donnie enjoyed the story so far, she took out her bookmark continuing to read where she left off as a knock came from the door.

"Well that was fast, normally the grocers take longer, must be a slow day. Donnie I will be right back I have to answer the door, just stay here. If you want, why don't you rest your eyes I will be a bit putting away the groceries. I am making rice for supper tonight does that sound good for you?"

Placing the book down she left the room keeping the door open, she made a rule to herself, no doors can be shut for any circumstances, fearing a closed door will symbolize a cage to him she couldn't afford it even though she lost all privacy, it was a sacrifice she had to make.

One time while showering Donnie walked into the bathroom, he scared her so much she almost jump out of her skin, of course not thinking about it she never considered to have the towel in arms reach, multiple times she asked him to turn around, yet of course he didn't understand.

After that ordeal she did two things, made sure to have the towel beside the shower and she bought non see through curtains, it was the only thing she could do, she didn't want to break her no door closed policy, regardless how inconvenient it was at times.

Grabbing her debit card she made her way to the front door, not bothering to look through the peeking hole to see who it was she opened it, to her horror it wasn't the delivery boy, it was the thugs that locked her up in Donnie's cage.

Quickly she attempted to shut the door, only to have one of the men burst it open forcing her to fall back as she slammed into the floor hard.

"Well we found the bitch, where is he?" the tall thug pointed a gun at her, her eyes widened in complete fear.

(How did they find me? When did these two use guns! What am I going to do I can't let them near Donnie!)

Panicking she didn't say a word as sweat ran down her face, she was at a loss, stuck in a hard place, she could never give Donnie up to these idiots…

"Did you hear me bitch hand him over, or I will see how much you bleed if I shot you in that pretty face of yours," the thug pulled the hammer back on the gun.

"He…he is not here! I left him in some alleyway weeks back, when I escaped," she lied hoping they would buy it and just leave.

"Yeah right if so why are his brother freaks looking for him?"

(Brothers?! The other turtles are his siblings?)

"You think we are the freaks!" a turtle in a red bandana suddenly appeared, attacking the thug with the gun from the side, did he come from her window, which was now wide open, she swore she had it shut.

The man slammed into the wall as his gun slid across the floor, his other buddy too surprised on the fact that the red clad turtle was there and the fact he was accompanied by two other turtles, he grabbed his buddies arm .

"Shit man, why are they here, lets go we don't get paid enough for this!" the man helped his partner up as they fled out of the apartment, leaving April on the ground with the three turtles she never officially met before, she didn't even know their names, she was only lucky to find out Donnie's.

(Now what?) Not sure what to say or do April slowly got up contemplating what course of action she should take, did they know of their brothers condition or that the fact he was in her care.

"Raph I told you not to just rush in!" the blue clad turtle crossed his arms eyeing April waiting for her react to them, yet she didn't give any which baffled the blue clad turtle, she figured he was expecting her to freak out or something.

All this time she had been watching her windows in the hopes to catch them roof jumping near by so she could tell them she had their brother, but of course they never passed by, when they use to all the time, well more like Donnie did most of the times as she recalled.

After a month, not once had she spotted them, now out of the blue they are in her apartment, why and to top it off, they showed up when those thugs finally gave her a visit, did the turtles follow those two men by chance?

"Donnie!" Raph gasped in surprise with a mix of excitement as he just noticed Donnie in the bedroom lying on April's bed; ignoring April he rushed into her room.

"Wait I don't think that is a wise idea," she tried to warn him as she followed him, who knows how Donnie would react to a new face, or would he recognize Raph at all.

"Donnie? Hey bro what's wrong with you? Why don't you say something," Raph desperately tried to get Donnie to respond to him, yet Donnie just stared at him uncertain or did he even notice Raph presence at all, April couldn't tell.

"Please you can't force him," April said entering the room, if Raph kept it up who knows what kind of reaction would come from Donnie, he might lose the miniscule progress he's made.

Snapping his head over towards her, a flash of anger filled Raph's eyes as he charged at her, surprised by his actions and the fact Raph moved way to fast for her to even react, he pinned her hard against the door, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM!"

Pain shot throughout April's body as she couldn't help but scream as her body slammed against the door, Raph strength was unimaginable as she gasped for air, "I…I…didn't…"

"Raphael stop!" the blue clad turtle yelled from the living room trying to reach this brother to stop him from furthering hurting April or accidently killing her.

Suddenly like a flash Raph was thrown across the room as he smashed against the wall on the other side of April's room, the impact of his shell made an impression into her once nice light yellow walls, as pieces of it crumbled down with Raph when he fell to the ground.

To April's surprise it wasn't the blue clad or the orange clad turtle that stopped Raph rampage, it was Donnie, he stood in front of her placing a hand towards her, to protect her from anyone that would dare to attack her again.

Only seeing the corner of his eyes April could see the anger in them as he huffed for air, the hand that was not shielding her was in a fist, Donnie stared down Raph with a low growl not breaking contact.

Confused Raph just stared back, uncertain what just happened, the blue clad turtle now at the door seemed to be assessing situation, for he too wasn't sure what was going on.

"Everyone calm down, Donnie it's us, your brothers, you know you just threw your brother Raph? Do you remember Raph, or me Leo, what about Mikey do those names ring a bell?" Leo desperately tried to make contact with Donnie, only to realize Donnie just backed up more to shield April from him.

(I need to do something fast, he had never shown such a response on anything on this level before. Sure it great that he's showing such a emotional reaction, but I wish it was more of a peaceful one… I can't let this continue for who knows what he will do.)

Gently April put her hand on Donnie's arm that was shielding her, "Donnie its ok, they didn't mean to hurt me. They are just confused and worried about you. Please why don't you calm down, no one is going to hurt me or you, we are just going to talk is that ok?" slowly April lowered Donnie's arm his breathing started to settle.

"What the shell…," Raph was going to start until Leo flashed him a look that shut him up right away.

Donnie eased up becoming dossal again as April directed him back to the bed while Raph slowly walk away out of the room by Leo's orders.

Settling down Donnie laid on the bed, yet he wouldn't let go of her hand, not wanting her to leave him or was it he didn't want her to go into a room alone with his brother in fear they might hurt her when he wasn't around.

Brushing his forehead softly she smiled, "Don't worry Donnie I just going to talk to them, I promise to be in viewing distance ok."

"Donnie I'm sorry that Raph lost his temper like that. He was just worried about you; he didn't mean to hurt her. I promise you we are not here to hurt her, like she said we are all going to talk nothing more," Leo assured Donnie, hoping it would help.

Donnie looked at Leo then slowly let go of April's hand, she followed Leo to the living room, but she made sure Donnie could see her from her bedroom door.

She stood on one side of her kitchen's island, as the turtle brothers stood on the other side; she figured that putting that much distance between her and them would keep Donnie calm.

Raph still frustrated sat down in a chair in the living room as Mikey and Leo sat on the stools at the island.

"Umm… well…," Leo looked lost not sure where to start.

"My name is April and no I didn't do anything to your brothers other then care for him," April started off.

"Sure you didn't!" Raph huffed.

With a sigh Leo glared at Raph then refocused his attention back to April, "Well as you can tell my name is Leo, the huffy brute is Raph and the not really so quiet yet currently silent one is Mikey."

"Hi," Mikey smiled.

"Hi… I guess you have questions and to tell the truth I probably won't be able to help much. I mean when I found Donnie he was worse then what you have seen," April held her sides.

"Please tell us what you can," Leo looked over towards Donnie, with sadness and worry in his eyes; it must be hard for him to see his brother in such a condition.

All three listened to April as she told her tale on how she found Donnie and what condition he was truly in.

"I see… so he been like this for four weeks…," Leo sat back, uneasy on the current news of his brother.

"Leo how long has Donnie been missing may I ask?" April wondered, it would give her a better understanding on his situation.

"Three months…," Raph said quietly.

"Then we heard a rumour that these thugs knew where Donnie was and we ended up here," Mikey added.

"We have to bring him home, if those thugs get him…," Leo started off then April stopped him.

"That may be a problem," she tried to find a solution; the problem was he wasn't safe at her apartment, but would it be a wise idea to move him, could he handle it?

"What's the problem huh," Raph got up then sat at the island beside Leo, an uneasy tension was surrounding Raph, it seemed he didn't like April or trust her at the moment.

"Donnie is dependent on her, he might not want to leave without her," Leo understood all to well what was going on, for being the first person to help Donnie, April was someone Donnie trusted and by his actions earlier it was obvious, she meant much to him.

"So then let's bring her home with us? What's the big deal, she knows how to handle Donnie maybe she can help us to get back the old Donnie," Mikey pointed out not seeing what the issue was; he just wanted Donnie to come home.

"That would work wouldn't it? I mean we can't ask you to do this or make you feel obligated to do so but…," Leo looked at April for her opinion; he seemed stuck like he didn't know how to deal with this.

April sighed, "I don't know...," she was hesitant, part of her wanted to help Donnie but the other half wanted her life to go back to normal, she was scared and started to doubt herself, her capability to take care of him.

If she said yes she was in the long haul, it wasn't a light decision to make, its one thing to be in her own home alone with him, another to be in a home with three other turtles.

Not that she had a problem with them being turtles it was more on the fact she didn't know them and they didn't know her, as far she could tell Leo and Mikey had no problems with her, but as for Raph that was another matter.

Should she put her life on the side and continue helping Donnie, which could take months or years as far as she could tell, but on the other hand having their help it might happen quicker…

A strong yet gentle arm went around her from behind, like Donnie knew of her dilemma it seemed like he was trying to comfort her and ease her mind, a behaviour she hadn't seen him express yet.

He placed his head on her shoulder then just stood there, he didn't squeeze her, like he was being careful with her showing he was aware of his own strength, no doubt he was stronger or equal to Raph's.

Three major behavioural responses out of him in a matter of minutes was a break which she never thought to see so early, could it be because of his brothers being around and a mix of her in the equation as well?

"Ok, Donnie why don't you go to the washroom, don't forget to flush and wash your hands. I am going to pack, we are going on a trip with your brothers back to your home. Where we can be safe, does that sound ok to you?" she sweetly smiled at him, letting go of her, he headed towards the bathroom.

"Do you really have to tell him to go to the bathroom?" Raph still wasn't sure about the situation that was unfolding around him.

"Yes I do, I just got him familiar with what a toilet is only a couple of days ago. He still forgets to do some steps, that said can one of you make sure to remind him. But when you do, make sure to be soft spoken and don't make him feel awful for not remembering, in his condition positivity is the best course."

"Wait if you just taught him to use the toilet then what did he do before…oh…," Mikey stopped in mid speech then jumped to his feet to go assist Donnie.

"Yeah let's put it this way, I did a lot of laundry and cleaning," April went to her room to pack up her clothes.

(I hope I am making the right decision, should I really put myself in this more then I have. Maybe it's best I don't get involved… But I can't turn my back on him, not for what he has done for me in the past.)

"Thanks, I know this isn't an easy decision, to be truthful it's not for us either, but I can tell without your help I don't think we can provide the right care for him. There are not many humans that would have done what you have done, so thanks again," Leo leaned against the doorway of April's bedroom.

"I did it because it was the right thing to do and if it wasn't for Donnie I would have died last winter…"

Looking at her Leo seemed like he just realized something, "Wait you're the girl Donnie caught when you almost slipped off the roof, aren't you and the one that takes pictures around town?"

"Yeah, and no I never took pictures of you or your brothers, I refused to have such proof."

Leo nodded, "That's good to hear, although Donnie did keep an eye online to make sure you didn't post any."

April smiled, "So I take it Donnie is a computer type of guy, nice to know."

"I guess you don't really know how Donnie was like… that is something I might have to fill in."

"That would help me a great deal, in helping him," if she got to know the old Donnie she would be able to assess him better and arrange ways to help him with picking up the shatter pieces of his formal self.

April finished packing, Donnie at the time was now at the doorway, Leo moved letting him in.

Zipping her suitcase Donnie passed something to April, the book she'd been reading to him, "Oh thank you Donnie, I almost forgot, are we ready to go now?"


	4. Part 4 - (Month 1 - Day 2)

**Shattered Mind - Part 4 – (Month 1 / Day 2)**

* * *

Month 1 / Day 2

* * *

Sitting on the couch watching TV with Mikey, April tried to keep Donnie's nerves calm by rubbing his arms, with Raph and Leo going at it again, the two brothers fighting was taking its toll on Donnie, even though she only has been there for two days, she wanted to help the situation between the brothers.

Obvious they had issues between each other on any given day, but that said the way they fought and on the topics they brooded over, seemed to be more of an excuse for the real reason they were at each others throats.

Raph was the instigator, he was frustrated, upset, but mostly he felt useless when it came to Donnie's condition.

Although the red clad turtle hid behind his aggression, it was plain as day to her, she been racking her brain on how she could be of some assistance or find a solution to ease the tension in Raph for Donnie's sake.

The biggest issue that been making Raph to go off the handle so easy, was the fact that Donnie actually didn't trust Raph, not just around him, but with April herself.

Every time Raph got a foot near her Donnie got defensive, she knew all to well why, it was for the way Raph treated April in her bedroom a couple days back, that display of violence made Donnie wary of him, and very protective of her.

Donnie didn't show these emotions or responded to Leo or Mikey in this manner, which in turn only fed the fire in Raph more.

(What can I do, there has got to be a way for Donnie to start trusting Raph. Telling him to trust hasn't worked, Raph has to do something to gain Donnie's trust again… the question is what?)

Sitting back April closed her eyes as she let her body sink into the coach, thinking of every possible angle that could bring her to some kind of conclusion.

(What can I do…)

Deep within her thoughts she became aware of an arm going around her, then a head laid down on her shoulder, then another head on the other shoulder.

"Mikey you just can't resist can you," April opened her eyes looking at both Donnie and Mikey that each taken a shoulder to rest upon.

With a grin Mikey chuckled, "Donnie makes it look comfortable so I had to try. Besides it seems like Donnie doesn't mind, right bro."

Donnie didn't, he seemed quite content, then it hit her, she knew what she needed to do to help Raph and make Donnie trust him again.

"Mikey you're a genius," April kissed him on the head making the orange clad turtle smile ear to ear.

"I don't know why you think I am, but I'm not complaining!"

Donnie looked at them like he was studying them; turning around April gave him a kiss as well, with that he laid his head back down.

"Mikey can you do me a favour? I need you to go talk to Raph for me."

"Me…why not Leo?" Mikey seemed a bit uneasy on the request.

April smiled sweetly, "Because if I asked Leo to do it, Raph will not listen to him and start fighting, will you help me please it's for Donnie."

Wary about the request and shifting his feet, Mikey sighed as he gave in, April got up and indicated for Mikey to come with her, but told Donnie to stay put, she didn't want him to over hear her plan as she told Mikey what instructions he needed to relay back to Raph.

Understanding and agreeing it might work, Mikey left for Raph's room, which at the moment Raph returned to after his fight with Leo.

Returning to the couch April offered Donnie her hand, "Donnie why don't we go and have your bath."

Taking it, Donnie followed her to the door to the bathroom, inside were stalls, and to April right was another door that led to an open concept shower with a huge stone bath tub on the far side.

Mikey told her that Donnie was the one the constructed the bathroom, including making the bath tub out of slabs of rock he collected.

It was beautiful with browns and sparkling black and white veins running through the stone, she admired the craftsmanship and many times told Donnie what a great job he did on it.

Getting the bath ready, Donnie slowly went in with her help letting his body sink, he seemed to enjoy baths, which was no surprise for he was a turtle and April always made sure the water was just right.

"Ok Donnie lets see, where should we start?" as she picked up the scrub brush for his shell a knock came from the door, standing there was Raph.

"April, Donnie, I was wondering if you needed some help," Raph said nervously he was trying to keep his temper down, it wasn't easy for him, especially at that moment for just the sight of him, Donnie tensed up, April could see the hurt in Raph's eyes.

"Well at the moment I don't need any," April said sweetly.

Raph shifted his feet biting his lower lip, "Is it ok with you and Donnie that I just sit by, for I have nothing else to do… Leo and Mikey went out on a patrol saying it was best I stay home and help you if I can…," Raph didn't make any eye contact as he continued to stare at the floor.

Looking at Donnie, April watched him, he was tensing right up glaring at Raph, putting on a smile to show Donnie she wasn't upset or worried at Raph presence, April turned her head towards Raph, "If you want I don't mind, I can promise it's going to be boring though."

Raph shrugged, still uneasy, April could see the poor turtle holding everything back, his frustration, his anger and his sadness of the way Donnie was acting, "It's doesn't matter to me, like I said I have nothing to do… except cleaning the kitchen…"

April roared, taking both Donnie and Raph by surprise, "So that is it, you think if you slack off in here so you can avoid kitchen duty, for what? Let me guess, your hoping you can somehow con Mikey to do it or… me?" she smiled wildly, giggling more.

Donnie looked at her, eyeing her with blanks stares, Raph anger started to show then quickly he sighed to take control of it again, "Well not you, more Mikey, its his punishment for breaking my weight set."

Raising an eyebrow April couldn't imagine what Mikey could have done to his weight set to break it, "Do I want to know?"

With a thud, Raph sat a bit aways from the bath, he didn't want to get to close to April due the fact Donnie was watching him, but to April realization Donnie started loosen up a bit, his eyes started to soften just a notch.

"Put it this way you don't want to know… it's Mikey that is enough said," Raph chuckled, which put a smile on April's face, for the first time she has ever seen Raph laugh or smile, it was nice, comforting, he should do that more often for he had a amazing smile.

Going for Donnie's shell, April started to clean it, "April what are you doing?"

"I'm cleaning Donnie's shell, what does it look like?" not taking her eyes way, April continued cleaning Donnie's shell, suddenly Raph's hand was on the brush, looking up she could see in his eyes he wanted to help her.

"Sure you're cleaning it…," he smirked, in the corner of both of their eyes they both watched Donnie's response, he seemed ok so far.

"Oh and you think you can do better?" April let go of the brush letting Raph have it, she sat back crossing her arms.

"Pffft of course I can I am the one with a shell here," Raph boasted.

"Oh and that is why I don't know how to clean his shell right," April kidded with a chuckle, keeping their little argument in a lighter mood, making sure Donnie was aware they were joking around not really fighting.

"Ok sister watch this," pausing Raph looked nervous again, as his hands shook, was he afraid if he did attempt to clean Donnie's shell, Donnie might get upset with him.

April wasn't sure how much more Raph could take the rejections from Donnie, as she hoped crossing her fingers that he would be fine for Raph's sake.

(Please say this will work…)

Finally getting the courage up, Raph took a stroke to Donnie's shell with the brush, waiting Raph didn't know if he should continue or not, as he looked at April for guidance.

She just sat there she didn't want to say anything, Raph had to make the first move, not her and she hope he will choose the right words.

"So…Donnie is it ok if I continue washing your shell? I mean, ok April doesn't do that bad of a job, but I can at least give her some pointers… and…," Raph was drowning in his words as fear was in his eyes and a hint of frustration over the fact that Donnie didn't respond to him.

(I should help him now before this goes south.)

With a sweet smile on her face, April picked up a cloth, "Well if Raph is washing your shell why don't I start on your arms Donnie."

Carefully taking Donnie's arm he made no mind as she started to clean it, taking that as sign for once Raph understood Donnie.

Although Donnie didn't talk, in his own way showed signs of finally accepting Raph, not just being around him, but giving Raph in one sense the permission to be around April.

(I think Raph finally gets it, it's the gestures and the body movements that Donnie makes, is how you can tell what he wants, hates, like and so on. I think Raph was so used to the way Donnie was before, he never considered how damaged his brother was and the type of treatment he needed to get better. Raph wanted so much to treat Donnie as he use too, never realizing Donnie didn't understand or comprehend or even remember the brotherly relationship they used to have. I'm happy this is working out. It's a start.)

Both continued getting Donnie clean, as Raph and April joked around keeping things positive, even at one moment Raph decided to tell stories when he and Donnie where young, April enjoyed them and she could tell Donnie did as well.

The atmosphere around Raph changed, it was lighter, he was starting to understand Donnie more and more, and he was finally accepting April as well.

When the bath was done, Raph helped Donnie out of the tub, Raph seemed happy that Donnie didn't mind him touching him.

Trying not to show that she had noticed, April caught a couple times tears running down Raph's face that he covered up right away, Raph being Raph, he was trying to act like the tough guy.

Fully dried they went back to the living room, which by this time Mikey and Leo were back from their patrol, now seated on the coach watching some TV before bed.

"Donnie why don't you go sit beside Mikey, I need to talk to Raph, is that ok?" April insisted to Donnie hoping he trusted Raph enough to the point he would allow Raph around her with out any supervision.

Donnie didn't responded like normal, he just walked away sitting beside Mikey, who in turn was smiling giving Donnie a hug then started to tell his tale of his patrol that night and how it went, with Leo adding things or telling Mikey not to over exaggerate.

"Thanks April," Raph started as he watched his brothers.

"No need to thank me Raph, it was you that turned the tide… I know I am just a stranger to you, and I can see that you and your brothers haven't had much luck with humans, but that doesn't mean we are all bad."

"I know… it's just not easy…," Raph rubbed his arm.

"I guess not, and this situation with your brother on top of it all doesn't help much. I realize how hard it was for you back there to cover your frustration, anger and fear; it's never easy to deal with a love one that is going through what Donnie is at the moment."

"Tell me about it… I thought I was going to blow it; I was so scared to come into that bathroom… I thought if I messed this up he would never forgive me."

"I know, but I also know that you wouldn't have blown it, that's why I asked Mikey to talk to you."

Turning his focus towards April, Raph was a bit confused, "Why do you say that, not that I have shown anything but aggression towards you and frustration towards Donnie."

She smiled at him, "Yes but you use that to hide your true feelings. Raph I don't need to know you to see what I can see."

Crossing his arms he lifted his brow, "And what would that be?"

Leaning towards him she smiled warmly at him, "Simple you're a good brother, you're caring and your heart is bigger then you're so called anger. You would sacrifice what your brothers think of you; just to make sure they are safe and happy, even if it makes you miserable. I know you want them to understand you and they do, for all they want is you to smile too and be happy. It's ok if you lose your temper at times, everyone does, and today you have shown you can take control of it, not letting it control you. You have to give yourself more credit Raph, they love you just as much as you love them, regardless of your differences, and yes I am talking about you and Leo for instance."

With that she walked away, in the corner of her eyes she could see tears again in his eyes, then Raph smiled with a huff shaking his head, as he too decided to join his family in the conversation at the couch.


	5. Part 5 - (Month 1 - Week 3)

**Shattered Mind - Part 5 – (Month 1 / Week 3)**

* * *

Month 1 / Week 3

* * *

Lying on the futon mattress that was placed on the ground, covered in blankets April stared at the ceiling, for Donnie's condition required her keeping a close eye on him.

Not risking making him uneasy being in another room, she placed Donnie's lab futon mattress beside his bed in his room.

Donnie room was full of gadgets, trinkets and tools when she first brought Donnie home, it took over two hours to declutter it, in its other condition she barely could get to his bed, and she wanted to take away any dangers that he could hurt him.

Still not speaking and his emotions still waving, most of the time he just stared Donnie's progress was increasing.

He understood simple requests and he had been cuddlier towards her, which in turn when he became to much she let him know to settle down.

With a sigh she got up, another day, the past two weeks the days had been long, but with Donnie's brothers they have been helping much, taking the stress of Donnie's condition off April's shoulders.

Donnie slept in his bed soundly, being only seven in the morning she decided not to wake him, her detailed daily schedule planned out the days fully and with her keeping to it, it has been helping his recovery.

For today she made this day his sleep in day with some open space for any activities that his brothers want to offer.

Heading out of the room the sounds of snoring alerted her that Raph at least was still asleep, shaking her head, she wondered if anyone can get sleep with his racket at all, she was surprised she could.

(I wonder if there is a way to silence him… to bad I can't wear ear plugs, if I did I wouldn't be able to hear Donnie…)

Downstairs Leo was already doing his morning training, Mikey was in the kitchen working on breakfast; to help out she has been giving Mikey a hand whenever she had spare time or when Donnie didn't mind watching them cook.

"What is on the menu this morning?" April asked as she noticed Mikey wearing his favorite apron "kiss the cook", she chuckled every time she sees it for there was no way that was going to happen.

"Eggs, bacon, and toast," Mikey scrabbled the eggs then stirred around the bacon.

"Strawberries?" April went past Mikey heading to the fridge to get the package of strawberries to cut, "You guys need fruit and veggies as well."

Working together April and Mikey put breakfast together, by this time both Donnie and Raph were up.

"Donnie did you wash your hands?" April came up to him leading him to a chair at the table, he presented his hands to her yet said nothing, "That's good I will get your plate made."

Making Donnie's plate and her own everyone sat down to have breakfast, after everyone was done, Leo brought April to the side.

"April I have an idea, I think we should have a mediation session with Donnie and yourself, maybe that will help Donnie to connect more. Master Splinter always taught that mediation helped the mind and soul this might pick some of the pieces up," Leo suggested.

April nodded the idea wasn't a bad one it might help, yet she had to sigh when Leo mentioned Master Splinter for the sadness he got in his eyes; a year ago their father, their Master passed way from a illness that Donnie couldn't even cure.

From what she gathered this put the family including Donnie in a state that was hard on all of them, now with Donnie the way he was, this didn't make anything better, she noticed the way they were especially Raph who in turn took the situation the hardest and sometimes lost his temper, but after the bath situation he was getting better even around Leo.

"What time would you like to have this session? I made today Donnie's free day for any activities. He is fully aware of this and anytime you wish to do this would be fine."

"Would now be a good time?"

"Sure I will get Donnie and meet you in the Dojo," April went to the living room where Donnie was seated watching a cartoon with Mikey, unsure if Donnie actually like the show or not he remained unemotional.

Leaning beside him she smiled at him, "Donnie I know we normal let you watch TV with Mikey for an hour, but today is a free day how about we mix things up. Would you like to go to the Dojo with me? Leo wants to do some mediation, would you like to participate?" without hesitation Donnie got up to follow her, she didn't have to ask, he would just follow, but she been teaching him that he can make his own decisions and doesn't always have to do what she asks of him.

Sitting silently in the center of the Dojo, Leo waited with some candle light to set the atmosphere, it gave a calming feeling, sitting down across Leo, April crossed her legs then indicated for Donnie to do the same, it took him a few minutes to understand but he finally sat down beside her.

"April, Donnie I want you both to shut your eyes and focus on my voice," Leo started off, hoping that if he instructed them both and seeing April listening to him, Donnie would do the same.

Relaxed, Leo voice became faint as April was blanketed by a sense of serenity.

Trying not to fall asleep April tried her best to concentrate, as she felt her body start to doze off, suddenly something seemed wrong, as she jolted awake.

Donnie seemed to be on edge making a low growl similar to the one he made when Raph attacked her at her apartment.

"Donnie?" April said slowly looking at Leo to see if he knew what was going on, he too was as disturbed by the odd behaviour.

(This isn't good, is he asleep, awake or what?)

Eyes closed Donnie stood, cautiously April got to her feet with Leo following her lead, eyes now fully opened Donnie seemed unresponsive yet anger was burning in them.

"Donnie are you…," before April could finished her sentence, in a flash she found herself slammed against a wall with Donnie hands wrapped around her throat, startled she struggled gasping for air as he choked the life out of her.

"D…Doonnnie…," she managed to get out as the room was starting to go dark.

(Donnie please don't do this, wake up, your dreaming, please wake up…)

"Donnie stop!" Leo screamed trying to force his little brother to let April go, in a heat of rage Donnie managed to kick him away still keeping his grip on April's throat, growling at her in disgust.

(I…can't…breath…)

Tears filled her eyes, as she dangled helplessly at Donnie's mercy as her head became light, she felt like she was swimming, the room turned hazy as the blackness swallowed her up.

Yet deep within the darkness a voice called her, it sounded like static, like someone trying to find a station on the radio then slowly it came into focus, "April wake up! Please April WAKE UP!"

(What… huh…)

Hesitant at first she took her time opening her eyes as she saw Mikey kneeling beside her, his face was wet, he was crying, "April are you ok?" he put his hand on her shoulders his eyes were full of worry and disbelief.

"Where is…Donnie," April jumped up to her feet not thinking it over, the room started to spin out of control, while a sharp pain reminded her that her throat was hurting, and of what had just occurred.

"Whoa give it sec April you were just choked," Mikey panicked trying to prevent her from making any sudden movements.

Coughing she gasped for air shaking her head, "I don't care, where is Donnie?"

(I have to find him, if he snapped back to reality and realizes he hurt me, he might just retreat back into his shell. I have to tell him I'm alright and he didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't his fault.)

"When Raph pulled him off of you, Donnie suddenly started to panic when he saw you lying on the ground; he pushed Raph away and then ran to his room locking himself inside."

(Oh no I have to talk to him right away.)

Ignoring Mikey's protest of her moving, she ran out of the Dojo making her way towards Donnie's room.

As she reached the top of the stairs, she noticed the door to Donnie's room was indeed shut, while Leo and Raph stood in front of it pounding on the door, trying to get Donnie's attention.

"Come on Donnie it wasn't your fault!" Raph yelled through the wood hoping Donnie would comply.

"April? You're up? You should be resting," Leo pointed out as she approached them, Leo looked frantic trying to get the situation under control, yet he seemed more lost then anything.

(I have to get inside regardless of what has to be done.)

"Break the door down," April commanded the two brothers.

"What?!" both stared at her like the lack of oxygen to her brain scrambled it.

"I said do it now," April demanded, she didn't want to argue with them; she needed to get inside, then and there.

Looking at each other Raph sighed with a shrug, then busted down the door, quickly April pushed pass the brothers entering into the room.

Dark within, the only light that shone in was through the door; April could make out a shadowy figure shaking in the far side of the room in the corner.

Donnie with his hands over his head shook like a leaf; she could see the tears running down his arms and plastron.

"Donnie… its ok, you did nothing wrong, I am fine see," she approached him.

Uncertain Donnie looked up at her staring at her neck, then it hit her she must have marking from his attack, "Someone give me something quick to cover my neck!"

In seconds Leo passed her a yellow woman's sash, giving it an odd look she raised her eyebrow at Leo, Leo feet shifted, "It's Mikey's he went through a faze…"

"Huh… ok I'm not going to ask," April wrapped it around her neck to cover the bruises, "See Donnie I am fine please stop blaming yourself, it wasn't your fault."

Donnie just looked away still crying heavily.

(I have to get him to notice, to realize…)

Suddenly she went forwards and wrapped her arms around him, unsure he just sat there, "Donnie please believe me, I don't blame you, I will never blame you. I am sorry you had to go through that, please don't shut yourself up to me or your brothers again. I can't bare the thought of losing you, and having you go back to the way you were when I found you, neither could your brothers if you did…," tears ran down her eyes as she tried not to cry.

Slowly Donnie hugged her back as little sobbing chirps came from him, he laid his head on her shoulders as she could feel the wet tears run down her skin, rubbing his head she kissed it.

"See everything is fine, why don't we go have some ice cream, I believe we still have some in the freezer," she suggested as he nodded in response.

(Donnie I promise no matter what we will get you well again, just hold on and don't give up, for I will never give up on you, regardless how hard or messed up things get.)


	6. Part 6 - (Month 3)

**Shattered Mind - Part 6 – (Month 3)**

* * *

Month 3

* * *

"Come on April you're going backwards again," Raph teased as he took the lead.

(Again… I swear this game is bugged… or is it just me…)

Frustrated and not understanding how Raph and Mikey conned her into playing Mario Cart, she really was starting to dislike racing games more and more, especially the fact on every map she some how always went suicide and steered her character off the map into some pit or lava.

"Why did I let you two talk me into this?" she turned her character around, she sighed when she came to the realization she was in last place again.

"Because Leo is spending time with Donnie and you have all this free time," Mikey jumped, racing after Raph, tapping his finger hard he was attempting to hit Raph with a turtle shell, the young turtle was overly excited for he wanted to beat Raph.

"Doesn't mean I have to play games with you two," she pointed out as Mikey's turtle shell hit her car instead, with an innocent look, Mikey smiled, accompanied with a I didn't do anything puppy dog eyes; in response she gave him the stink eye.

(Don't you dare look at me like that Mikey; you knew full well that shell was going to hit me… I swear the NPC's are doing a better job then me and I have the handy cap on…)

With a sigh knowing she was never going to beat the two turtle brothers, she surrendered putting the controller on to the coffee table.

"I should go see how Leo and Donnie are doing, it has been a half an hour," she slowly got up off the couch.

"If Donnie isn't complaining, why don't you let him have more time with Leo?" Raph pointed out, eyes glued on the TV as he just dodged his cart from hitting a NPC's banana peel leaving it for Mikey to wipe out on.

"Well tomorrow we will extend the alone time, you do know its best to keep this schedule with him."

Rubbing his head Raph sunk into the chair, "I know…"

"Raph he is getting better everyday, I realize it's not easy, but you must admit how much he's improved so far," April sat down on the chair's arm beside Raph.

Looking up, Raph's eyes were sad, frustrated and worried, "I have noticed but…April what are you going to do when he does finally gets better?"

April shrugged, "Well go home I guess, get back to taking pictures. Why do you ask all of a sudden?"

"Are you still going to hang out with us?" Mikey peeked up, he seemed a bit concerned.

In time she spent with them, although it has only been three month or so, they had became attached to her, they didn't have many friends other then having each other.

(Why would Mikey think I wouldn't want to stay in touch with them when Donnie is fully recovered?)

"Of course, truth be told and sad as it is, you guys are my only friends I have," April chuckled lightly feeling kind of pathetic in a way, she had admit she was quite attached to them as well, more then she has been with anyone for sometime.

"April, my time is up, I think Donnie is done with our one on one," Leo stood near the entrance to Donnie's Lab; beside Leo was Donnie he seemed oddly disturbed over something.

"Well boys have fun with your game," quickly she took both of their controllers making their characters run off the road then threw the controllers back at them.

"APRIL!" both yelped, shocked, as they went to the last place ranking, making the computer get first, second and third and so on.

(Hee hee serves you two right, for kicking my ass in this game.)

Approaching Leo, April kept an eye on Donnie, he was upset, about what, she wasn't sure of.

"So how did it go?" she wondered if something happened and Leo could shed some light on the matter.

"It went great; he even kept the time for when my thirty minutes was up. He insisted for me to leave to the point he escorted me out of the room," Leo gave an odd look at Donnie for the sudden mood change.

"I see, thanks I will take it from here," walking up to Donnie, April put her hand onto Donnie's shoulder, "So why so blue?"

Using his hands Donnie cradled her face, lowering them April smiled, "Do you want to go read something in your lab?"

Gently grabbing her hand Donnie led her inside the lab to the old couch, on the coffee table was a book on turtles and the multiple species there was.

"So were you and Leo looking at this?" April picked up the book as she sat down going through the pages.

(I wonder why Donnie put tabs on some of these pages?)

Donnie stopped her from looking as he flipped the page, on it was a turtle that look similar to him, "Oh I see, your this kind of turtle, I bet you were a cute baby."

With his hand Donnie tried to guide her to flip the pages, studying him she got the opinion that he wanted her to do something, "Oh you want me to see which species I think are cute or I like?"

Donnie stared at her then nodded then cuddled into her, used to it by now she didn't mind it was his way to show his emotions and for her to stop him she feared it would hinder him, it wasn't like it was harmful and he never did anything inappropriate

As well secretly inside she felt it was comforting having him that close to her, although she would never admit it, or show it up front, he was still sick and such emotions was something she shouldn't or couldn't consider.

Flipping the pages she found a couple, "Well this one is cute, it's a painted turtle. I guess by there markings that's where their name came from."

"Donnie its time for your bath, Mikey and Raph want to help you out today instead of April, is that ok?" Leo came into the room making eye contact with Donnie.

Donnie made no response, "Donnie I think that is a great idea, this way I can go make supper. I will make some homemade pizza pockets that you like. How's that for a deal?"

Unsure Donnie just sat their, then he got up heading towards the lab door where Mikey was waiting for him.

When Donnie was out of the room Leo sat down quickly, "April we need to talk," Leo voice was stern and serious.

"Sure what's wrong?"

"It's about Donnie."

"Ok… what's the matter then?"

(When is it not about Donnie, could Leo want to talk about something that might have happened in their alone time that he couldn't mention before for Donnie was there. Donnie did seem really upset over something at the time.)

Leo shifted his feet not making eye contact with April, "Well you see…how do I put this…"

Placing her hand on Leo's shoulder, April gave him a sweet smile, "Leo cut to the chase please."

With a sigh Leo looked into her eyes, "Have you noticed that Donnie has been placing his hands on your face a lot lately?"

Uncertain where this was going she was baffled by the question and why it made Leo so nervous, "Yeah he's been doing it since the day after he choked me, why do you ask?"

"He has been doing it more recently hasn't he?"

"Yes and your beating around the bush Leo, spill it," April crossed her arms.

"You see, my brothers and I grew up with different values when it comes down to dating, compare to humans like yourself. Those values in a situation like this, is that when we ask someone to be our mate we would place our hands on the individual's face we are asking."

"What!" April was shocked.

(Wait this whole time he been asking me to be his mate!? Oh please don't say I said yes…)

Tilting his head Leo was trying to read her silence, "Don't worry you never said yes, to do that you would have to do the same thing and either kiss or lick him on the beak."

"Really… That is different…but why would he be asking me," April contemplated on the situation as it hit her, "Oh I get it, because the way I act and how I am taking care of him he must have developed affection for me…"

It was the only answer that made sense, being ill as he was, he must mistaken his emotion he felt for her as ones of love in a sense of a significant other, then realizing what he was feeling for her was more on the level of a friend.

Leo nodded, "I came to the same conclusion, but that said he hasn't got mad for you denying him. I think he assumes you don't know what he is doing. That said I know it's weird that he is doing this, but can you pretend to play along acting like you don't know what is going on?"

"I see, so you wanted to warn me. So that I don't accidently accept and get him confused when I don't start acting like I am his mate."

"Yeah, sorry April I didn't want to bring this up, but I have notice the consistent gestures that have been becoming more frequent. Even Mikey and Raph noticed he has been doing it more and more, we were worried for him and you."

Sitting back April stared at the ceiling, "I guess this behaviour towards me is the direct result of him getting better, the more he improves, the more he realizes I will be leaving. Right now in his mind set, he thinks he can't live without me around so he is finding a way to ease that fear by asking me to be his mate. If I say yes that means he will never have to worry about me leaving. Leo I will play along, for I don't want to break him. As long as I play dumb on the situation he will move through this faze and be less dependent on me and less likely to confuse his feeling for me."


	7. Part 7 - (Month 4)

**Shattered Mind - Part 7 – (Month 4)**

* * *

Month 4

* * *

Standing at the stairs, April watched Raph bring Donnie to his room, it was time for her to part ways in sleeping arrangements, for his first night without her by his side, April was going to sleep in the lab.

To make the transition lest painful for Donnie, it was best that April didn't help him to bed.

"I hope this works," she was second guessing her decision, for part of her hated the fact of doing this to him, as the other half knew it had to happen.

"Don't worry April it will work out fine," Leo assured her.

(I hope soo… No I can't think this way, this will work, he is ready, it been over four months now. I know he can handle it. But why am I so nervous?)

Finally after what felt like hours Raph left Donnie's room heading to his own, as both Leo and April stayed up to see if Donnie would do anything.

Hours past, not a peep out of Donnie, both April and Leo retired for the night.

Zonked and finally in a section of the lair where she couldn't hear Raph's death snore, she snuggled on the cot in the lab as she drifted to sleep.

Sweet dreams filled April's head, only to be shattered by a sound unfamiliar to her as she opened her eyes.

(Huh…What was that?)

To her surprise she wasn't laying down on the bed anymore, yet she seemed to be in a up right position, with her back against some cold metal surface, only in shorts and a tank top the cold made her shiver as she tried to move.

To her dismay she couldn't move, something tight and equally as cold to whatever she was laying on, was around her arms and legs.

Looking down to see what was going on, still a bit groggy from just wakening up, finally when her vision cleared in horror she realized she was strapped down.

(Is this a nightmare…what's going on?)

Confused she panicked struggling desperately trying to free herself to no avail.

(How did I get in this position did someone break into the lair, Leo said it was safe…)

Relief washed over her when Donnie came into her view, "Donnie please help me get out of this…," fear started to stir inside as Donnie seemed unfazed by her dilemma.

Donnie has been so over protective of her, yet it looked like he didn't care that she was tied up, "Donnie are you listening to me, please help me get out of this… Donnie?!"

Not responding to her pleas, Donnie tilted his head studying her, then suddenly a smile came across his face as he placed his hands on her face, cupping it.

(What is he doing that for?)

"Donnie please I don't know what is going on, but you have to listen to me! Get these straps off me! You have to help me," April started to panic.

"…I am…," a whisper came out of Donnie so low April barely caught it.

(Did he just spoke… what does he mean he is helping me?!)

Going to a control panel to the right of her, Donnie pressed a button following this were sounds similar to multiple computers starting up, accompanied with the sounds of gears emanating from somewhere behind her.

Suddenly the metal plate she was on began to jerk then started to move backwards.

"Donnie what are you doing?" April struggled more, she had to get free as she felt very hopeless and scared.

(What is he planning to do, what is this thing?)

Donnie not saying another word, April wondered if he did say something or was it her imagination, for Donnie only looked at her with a smile.

Frightened April started to hyperventilate, as the metal plate entered into some kind of machine, inside she was surrounded by lights and the entrance door slowly closed while a buzzing sound grew within the machine.

"DONNIE STOP THIS!" April screamed at him as the door fully closed trapping her inside.

Inside, alone April looked around to see if there was anything that could help her out of this horror picture, to her dismay the bright lights became dim then left her completely in the dark.

Afraid, April tried desperately to free herself as she screamed at the top of her lungs for someone to help her.

(Please someone help me…)

Suddenly a sharp pain ignited behind her neck as she felt something pierced through her skin, a sudden rush of a burning sensation coursed through her body.

(It burns so much…why is he doing this to me… Donnie…)

April wanted to cry, run, as tears filled her eyes, the burning was numbing and she wanted it to stop, the feeling was horrible as if her blood was boiling.

It felt like hours then finally the thing that was injected in her neck finally came out, followed with the cuffs unshackling her, which made poor April fall to the ground.

There on the cold floor of the machine slowly with shaking hands she felt the back of her neck, to her discovery she found multiple puncture wounds.

(What did he inject me with…why do I feel so sick…I need to get out of here!)

Scrambling to her feet, she pounded her fist against the door, "Donnie let me out. Donnie let me out, DONNIE…D..o..n..n..i..e…"

Her hand stopped just before she made another attempt to slam her fist into the door as her eyes widened, a heat wave over came her, she felt she was getting over heated, while her body tried to fight it with her sweat, yet it didn't help.

Standing there in shock not sure what was happening, she noticed how dry her mouth felt, as a rush of feelings she wasn't to sure how to describe hit her hard, making her head feel light as she struggled to think.

Dizzy she stumbled, unable to keep her balance anymore; she leaned against the door for support.

Then like a hammer a pain like no other, tore through her body as she gasped for air falling to the ground again.

(The pain it's too much! What is this…oh someone make it stop please…am I dying?)

Screaming in agony she grabbed her sides, as her body felt like someone was ripping it apart piece by piece, then putting together again, it was the most horrible feeling she ever experience, not even in her wildest nightmare had she ever considered such a pain could exist.

Laying there, she stared at the wall as the pain finally resided, something felt off, yet to afraid to find out why, she didn't dare to even move as tears filled her eyes.

Questions on why invaded her mind, why would Donnie put her through this, whatever it was.

(…What's wrong with me…Why would Donnie put me through so much pain…What was he thinking, why would he purposely hurt me or was it on purpose, is he sleep walking again?)

Light came from the side as she noticed the door opening, slowly she sat up as she almost puked at the sight of her hands and skin, her skin color was celadon green and she now only had three fingers.

(No…no no he didn't did he… Did Donnie mutate me…why? Or into what?)

Not needing to look at herself she knew that one question, she could feel the new weight on her back, and what else would Donnie mutate her into…

Looking up, Donnie stood their, his face was filled with joy, he smiled at her, as he made an attempt to go towards her, April backed way from him quickly.

(No…stay away from me…)

Confused on her reaction to him, Donnie tilted his head, then attempted again trying to place his hands on her face.

Terrified, confused, she couldn't believe what Donnie just has done to her, in anger she slapped them away, averting her eyes away from him.

(…)

"Fine!" Donnie finally spoke, his word was spiteful filled with anger and disappointment, in frustration he slammed shut the door, leaving poor April alone in the dark.

Alone again she stared at the door…

(…Donnie why?...)


	8. Part 8 - (Month 4 - Day 1)

**Shattered Mind - Part 8 – (Month 4 / Day 1)**

* * *

Month 4 / Day 1

* * *

Shuttering, huddled in the corner of the machine, April sat on the floor with her knees up to her face as she held herself; tears ran down her green skin then over her new plastron.

She was afraid of what she was now and what had happened to her, most of all she was fearful of the one person she trusted more then anything, in turn who did the unspeakable to her.

A flood of emotions overwhelmed her; the one that over power her at the moment was the anger that brewed inside her.

The anger made her start to regret ever meeting Donnie, ever having considered helping him, a deep part of her wished she never got involved with him at all.

Dark feelings pressed against her as thoughts things she wouldn't ever think of came to mind, one such thought pressed guilt upon her for thinking it, was she should have left him in an alleyway, for someone else to help him out.

Everything she did was to help him and he repays her by doing this to her against her will.

(How could I have been so trusting… I should have taken it as a sign when he kept asking me to be his mate and when he was so insistent of me looking at that turtle book, that he might actually hurt me to keep me. He is sick and I didn't consider he would dare to do such a thing. His brothers did say he was a genius, something like this isn't out of his reach even in his condition… I thought he was different then this… when we first meet I thought…I should have gone through it then… How could I have been so naive?)

Slowly the door opened, not looking up she remained in her spot shuttering she was terrified of what Donnie was going to do to her now.

After she plainly rejected him, his eyes as she recalled were frustrated and full of anger, what else was he capable of; could he force her to accept him?

At that point she wouldn't put it past him, if he was willing to mutate her, he might go as far as some how brainwash her to take his hand, she didn't like the thought of thinking like this about Donnie, but after this she wasn't sure of him anymore or of trusting him, for he did this on purpose, not some accident.

Still not looking up she could feel a pair of eyes on her then finally the silence was broken.

"Oh… no… April?" shocked Leo stood there at the door, not believing what he was witnessing.

Relieved it wasn't Donnie, April slowly looked up, she tried to fight the tears as they just kept coming, slowly Leo came inside kneeling down to her level, "April…I…"

"Donnie did this, why would he do this?" she sobbed louder as her hands trembled, she waited for Leo to tell her it was just a nightmare and she was normal after all, but he didn't, what happened really did happen.

"I don't know, Donnie is not like this, he would never do this to anyone I assure you, especially to you…I…," Leo voice trembled not sure what else he could say, for he knew what Donnie has done was something he wouldn't imagine he would do, regardless, this situation should never have happened and Leo was in shame.

"Leo I'm leaving…I'm sorry, I know that I said that I would stay until your brother was better… but this, I don't know where to start, there is no way to reverse it, is there?" she desperately looked at him for some form of answer.

Sadly he shook his head, "No when we found this machine a couple years back, Donnie tried to figure out how to help some humans that were mutated by this machine and failed… I thought this thing didn't work anymore, Donnie even put it away for it was useless…"

"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE IT'S STILL USELESS," April screamed at him in frustration.

Lowering his head, Leo sat on the ground fighting his own tears, "No… I don't know when he worked on it or when he fixed it or why… I really don't know, you see Donnie never really talked about what he was working on or the details of his machines in his lab half the time. When he put this thing away, he never talked about it; I just thought it wasn't working anymore… This is my fault… I am sorry April, if I knew Donnie would do such a thing…I…," Leo lost the battle as he started to cry as he too now was breaking down.

"Leo this isn't your fault."

With a sob Leo shook his head, "Damn it, I even warned you of the way Donnie was acting, and I was so blind. I shouldn't have considered allowing him to over look his old notes, I should have realized that somewhere deep inside he would understand them… He must have seen the information on this machine… I…April please forgive me, this is my fault… this should never have happened."

(Leo…)

Hugging Leo, April shut her eyes, she felt his pain, he was watching his brother unravel by the seams and now this… part of her wanted to still help, for Leo's sake, for he became her best friend, even for Raph and Mikey, they became a big part of her life, a part she hasn't had for so long.

(I want to stay but… I don't know what I want anymore… what should I do…)

"Leo don't beat yourself up with this… It's not your fault you hear me. That said, I can't stay Leo, please understand I know this is hard, but I don't know how to deal with this. If I stay I have to see him everyday and I don't think I can handle it not after this… I need to sort myself out; I am so lost Leo I don't know what to think… I can't trust him at the moment, please understand…"

Leo nodded, "April I understand, where will you go? You don't have to tell me, but I just want to know for I can't bare the thought of you just leaving and not knowing if you're safe."

Understanding and a bit wary of telling, she knew Leo wouldn't tell Donnie and she didn't mind him knowing, "My father has a farm house outside of New York I will stay there for now until I sort myself out… Then I don't know…"

"April this is asking much, can I get you to bring a shell cell with you, if we need your assistance and if you want to talk, or keep in touch… As well if you want Raph can give you a ride or you can take one of the cars." Leo offered.

"I will take a shell cell, but please realize I will not come back if there is a problem at the moment, I will answer any question you have but no more. I need some time away… I wouldn't mind if Raph gave me a ride, there is a vehicle that is still functional at the farm. If not I can always get it working…"

Nodding Leo started to get up, but April stopped him, she wanted at the moment someone with her, looking at her he understood and kept holding her until she was ready, as she continued to cry on his shoulder.


	9. Part 9 - (Month 4 - Week 2)

**Shattered Mind - Part 9 – (****Month 4 / Week 2****)**

* * *

Month 4 / Week 2

* * *

Poking at the fire with a cast iron stick, April watched the flames dance, for over two weeks she has lived at her family farm alone, a thing she hated most, but in turn she need too for her own sake and for his.

Part of her wondered on Donnie's condition, her fear was still there with him, but she didn't blame him anymore, she couldn't stay mad at him for what he did to her, part of her made excuses that it was his illness that drove him to doing such a thing, but that said her trust in him was wavering.

Slowly getting used to her new body that resemble a painted turtle with subtle marks and all, also for reasons she wasn't sure of, she somehow still had her long red hair that she swore was more red then before and longer, with a bit of a curl.

At times she found it hard to grasp what she was, it wasn't easy especially the balance problems which she still had some issues on, it was taking some time to get accustomed to her shell, even looking in the mirror took her some getting use too.

For the first week she desperately tried not to go by anything that had a reflection, denial was her way to deal, then slowly that came to pass, she was a turtle, not human, that said feeling sorry for herself wasn't getting her nowhere, it only made her more lonely, and brought memories of the past she wished she never wanted to venture into again.

(I can't let myself fall again… if I do who will catch me this time?)

Deep in thought as questions plagued her, what was in store for her now, she technically could still be a photographer, yet she would have to make sure she didn't have to make any person to person contact when selling her photos or be noticed be anyone when taking them.

With a huge sigh she sat down, letting her body sink into the couch wrapping herself with a large heavy quilt, winter was here, and she spent most of her time cutting wood so she didn't have to freeze and to help clear her mind.

For groceries she made a deal over the phone with the local store to deliver, stating she was crippled and she couldn't leave and answer the door.

She told them that the person that helps her only comes once a day so they can handle the grocers if they just leave it on the front porch.

So far it worked they charged her visa and she always insisted in give a good tip for their assistance.

Yawning, April considered a nap was in order, for the cold did make her a bit more sleepy, time to time she found it hard for herself to get warm, one day she had to wrap herself with three heavy blankets just to feel a bit warm.

She ponder on the reason, could it be that she was now a turtle, she laid back closing her eyes, thinking of warm thoughts as she drifted to sleep.

A ringing sound broke the veil of the silence as it caught her ear; it was the shell cell, forgetting what it sounded like she almost jumped out of her shell.

Scrambling around to find it for she couldn't remember where she had it last, she discovered it was hiding behind the couch, uncertain how that happened she answered, "Hello?"

"April, it's me, Leo," Leo sound kind of concerned like something was worrying him, fear started to creep up to her, did something horrible happen?

"Hi Leo what's wrong? You sound upset," she asked as sweetly as she could, hoping it would ease the turtle, and he would tell her what was going on.

"April are you still at the farm?"

"Yes why?"

(Why would he want to know if I am still at the farm?)

April already promised Leo she would tell him if she decided to leave and where she was going…

"We can't find Donnie…," Leo went silent.

(They can't….find Donnie…?!)

Sitting down April felt scared to ask more, with a breath she got the courage to, "What do you mean you lost Donnie, what happened?"

In a few words Leo explained the past two weeks, Donnie was acting strange, at first he was depressed, then out of nowhere he started to show signs of aggression not towards anyone in particular more towards himself, he kept mumbling, he wouldn't make eye contact to anyone.

Then out of the blue the other day Donnie was just gone, no trace of him, he didn't have a shell cell, nothing.

Leo and his brothers have been searching for him all night, with out a lead.

"Do you think he would come here? Does he even know where here is?" April had to ask, to see if that was even a possibility, hoping not for how would he get there and in this cold.

"No we never told him, I don't know where he is. April do you have any clue or idea where we can look, that we haven't already?" Leo sound frantic.

All they knew he could be in the cold somewhere, with a storm warning in affect for that night, if they didn't find him who knows if they would find him in the morning alive and well.

Biting her lip, she contemplated on the situation, for the life of her she couldn't figure out where he might have gone too, "Leo I'm coming back."

"What?! April I didn't call you to ask you to come back…I mean are you sure?"

"Yes you need all the help you can get to find Donnie. Who knows if somehow he finds out I am coming back he might just show up at the lair… That said I'm still upset with him, but if something has happened to him and I didn't help, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

With a sigh on the other side of the cell, Leo agreed, "Thanks April, I appreciate it. I will be owing you one for this."

"No need Leo, I will be in town within an hour or so," April got off the cell and scrounged up some clothes to wear, everything she owned didn't fit her right because of her shell, she was lucky to find some old clothes that belong to her late uncle who was quite a large man in his time.

Bundled she made sure everything was off and the fire was out, she figured she wouldn't be coming back anytime soon, she headed outside towards the barn where the car that she finished fixing up was waiting for her.

Within an hour she reached New York City, during the drive she pondered on all the possible places she could think of, that Donnie could be at and she even put into consideration of what his condition was to give her a better idea.

If she was correct he was upset with her, or at least upset she left, that said he might be looking for her, so anywhere she has met him in the past was a possibility, that said she informed Leo on those locations on the phone.

Then as she reached the city it hit her, Leo said they checked her apartment, did they just check the apartment or the whole building?

April couldn't remember if she ever told them that the building belongs to her, which included the antique shop and the basement, which in turn the month Donnie was at her place she did bring him down there to do laundry.

Not bothering to call Leo with the new idea, being only a couple minutes away anyways and the fact the brothers were looking else where, April made the decision to check it out on her own.

Parked in the alleyway so no one could see her, she snuck into the building by the side door, as she entered the first thing she notice was a odd smell, it had an iron tinge to it, unsure what would make such a smell she looked around.

Taking her time, she was wary on the smell alone, close to the stairs that lead to the basement; she swore she heard some sound coming below.

"Stupid…stupid…"

Looking down, all she could see was darkness, yet for sure someone was down there, the voice she heard was so low, but she swore it kept saying stupid.

Creeping down the stairs, she watched her footing trying not to step on the steps that creaked; at the bottom the voice was clearer to make out.

"Why…me hurt her…why…"

(Donnie?)

The voice was coming from down the hall, around the corner where the washing machines were.

"Donnie did…didn't…w..w..want…hurt April…stupid…stupid…"

Taking her time April went towards his voice, around the corner there he sat, cradling himself with blood stained hands, his body was scratch up as he hit himself.

(…oh my god…)

"It Donnie fault…w...w...why not Donnie p…p…put April back… April hhate Donnie… April hate Donnie…Stupid STUPID," Donnie raised his hand to hit himself once again; quickly April intervened grabbing his hand before he did so.

Startled, Donnie jumped, then slowly turned his head looking at her, suddenly he started to tremble as fear filled his eyes, forcefully Donnie reefed his hand away from April as he scrambled back, smacking his shell into the washing machine, nowhere to go he looked wildly for a way out.

(Is he scared of me?)

"Donnie," April said softly hoping it would calm him down.

Shaking his head violently Donnie held it, "NO no no, April no here, April hate Donnie…April don't...s...s...see Donnie again…no no no."

Kneeling down to put herself at his level, April still kept her distance, she didn't want to provoke him, "Donnie, I am here, please look at me."

"No no no! Donnie bbbb…bad…Tttthey say Donnie hurt April…April mmmad to Donnie… Donnie not kkknow Donnie hurt April… Donnie not mean t…t…too…," Donnie started to cry, holding himself.

"Donnie…you did hurt me, but I am not mad at you, I am mad at what your illness has made you do."

Looking at her, quickly he looked away, he couldn't face her, "Tttthey said Donnie put April in pain…me not know…Donnie w…w…want April to know…n..n..not hurt April… Donnie want April back tto April…no no no ttthey say Donnie can't…can't…why?"

(He doesn't understand what he has done, does he? Did he think this was something that he can just flip a switch and poof it would be reversed?)

"Donnie, you changed me into a turtle so I would understand that you wanted me to be your mate, then you were going to change me back?" April asked him, wondering if he only changed her to put her in a position where she was more likely to understand him.

Donnie nodded as he sob more, "Y…y…yes…they say Donnie can't…why? Donnie dddon't know why, big box made April same Donnie, why it nnnot April back ttto April?"

Slowly April got up walking towards him, Donnie shuttered as she did, ignoring it she came beside him as she wrapped her arms around him, "Donnie listen to me, yes you did something wrong, but I didn't just leave for that reason. I left because I needed time to think and for you to realize what you have done. I am not mad at you… remember I told you I will always forgive you right, then please stop beating yourself up. It's not entirely your fault; did you know that the machine would put me in great pain?"

Donnie shook his head sniffing; she looked at him in wonder, "Then Donnie why didn't you shut the machine off, when I was screaming in pain?"

As Donnie made eye contact, April could clearly see he was overwhelmed by the question as if he didn't understand what she was talking about, then it hit her, was the machine sound proof?

"Donnie did you even hear me when the door of the machine was shut?"

Shaking his head, he still tried to understand, then tears started to pour as he tried to hurt himself again, "Donnie hurt Aaapril! Donnie hhhurt April!….sstupid stupid, Donnie bad! Bad Donnie!"

"Donnie stop it, don't hurt yourself," April cried trying to fight him, in the struggle he accidently knocked her over, more like she lost her balance again, but Donnie didn't realized this as he freaked out thinking he hurt her.

In shame Donnie bolted pass her, towards the stairs.

(Shit I have to stop him! Before he does something rash!)

Scrambling to her feet April ran after him up the stairs, reaching the top she realized Donnie wasn't in sight; the sound of a door closing caught her attention.

(Oh no, he didn't go to the roof did he?!)

Looking over towards the door that led to the roof, April's heart leapt into her throat, quickly she reached the door looking up the stairs, the top door was wide open as cold air rushed into the stair case.

It was so fierce it knocked the door out of her hand as it slammed fully open, the storm was approaching and from what the weather station predicted it was going to be the worst one in ages, with winds raging up to 60 mph or more.

Not stopping she ran up the stair, frantically April called Leo on the shell cell, "Leo here."

"Leo! Donnie is at my apartment, get over here fast," she ordered him not taking a breath, as her lungs burned.

At the top she dropped the cell, for on the edge Donnie stood there, staring down, was he going to jump?!

"Donnie don't," April rushed towards him.

Not reacting to her pleas he continued looking down, "Donnie bad, Dddonnie hurt April …a...a…again…"

(I have to stop him!)

"Donnie you didn't hurt me I lost my balance!" she cried, yelling at him at the top of her lungs so the wind wouldn't drown her voice, "Please Donnie get away from the edge!"

"Donnie bad…"

"No you were not bad Donnie, please don't!"

Finally looking at her, his eyes were covered in fear and regret, it broke her heart.

"Donnie please come away from there," April pleaded at him extending her hand hoping he would reconsider.

As she took another step towards him, horror hit her when she felt the ice under her feet, before she could reacted the wind blew fiercely from her side, catching her off guard as the wind over powering, forced her to slide across the roof.

Unable to stop April screamed as she hit the edge then she felt her body fall, suddenly a strong set of hands wrapped around her embracing her, the last thing she recalled was the sounds of a thud, with a huge crash accompanied by the deafening wind engulfed her within a blanket of darkness.

(…)


	10. Part 10 - (Month 4 - Week 2 - Day 3)

**Shattered Mind - Part 10 – (****Month 4 / Week 2 / Day 3****)**

* * *

Month 4 / Week 2 / Day 3

* * *

The heavy atmosphere energized with anger and rage was a burden on April's shell, as she watched the two older brothers fight in vain.

Only awakening a day after the accident on the roof of her apartment, April could see the turmoil of that event tearing what little foundry that held the brothers together.

Unfortunately Donnie was still out, with severe injuries including a cracked shell that Mikey had to fix up by covering it with a special paste, which Donnie had created for such occasions.

The paste was designed to harden any cracks and wholes on their shells, so that if he or his brothers ever got their shell so badly damage, they wouldn't have to worry about any future infections or being vulnerable with a weak shell.

When Mikey was done the substance covered at least 50% of Donnie's shell, luckily Donnie had consider making the paste to dry a dark brown.

Although the paste color did match his shell to a tee, when viewing it closely it was obvious his shell took the most of the impact of the fall.

Leaning against the door frame the event flashed within her head playing in repeat; only moments before hitting her car, somehow Donnie managed to wrap her into his arms, shielding her from the impact.

Rubbing her arms April could still feel his grip on her, strong and comforting, it made her feel safe even in that critical moment…if it wasn't for him, she would have died… she knew that fact was true.

That said, April even was surprised to find him alive, by some miracle alone Donnie survived the fall as well, but he lay in a coma.

Without the right equipment or knowing anyone they could really trust, no one could tell exactly what condition he was really in.

All any of them knew he could have swelling in the brain, or brain damage, April hoped it was only his shell that took the worst, for he could survive it, sighing she wasn't even sure on that.

As for her, the accident left some bumps and bruises and even knocked her out as well for at least a day, when she finally awoke all she knew was what Leo had told her.

Raph was the first to notice them, he found Donnie laying in the heap of her crushed car with his arms around her as she laid on top of him.

At first they thought Donnie did something, to their relief when she told them what occurred everyone was a bit at ease, that's until they realized Donnie seemed to be in a coma.

Until today things seem a little off edge yet were still mellow and some what calm, then that morning tensions raised, anger flared.

With the uncertainty of Donnie's true injuries, whether or not he would wake up, and his unknown mental state, Raph had lost all hope and Leo was trying to comfort his brother, but it only fuelled the frustration between the both of them.

(I wish they would stop fighting…)

With a sigh, April slowly shut the door to the lab so neither brother would notice that she was watching them.

Turning around Mikey stared at her with concerned empty eyes, he was lost, depressed, something that April would have never thought possible for the energetic turtle that saw the bright sun even in the darkest fog.

Making her way towards him, she sat beside him on a chair that was facing the cot that Donnie was laying on; he seemed peaceful, unaware of the events that had unravelled around him.

Slowly taking a cloth April wiped Donnie's face, she too was weary of what was in store, if he awoke would he be in the same state he was on the roof, or would he revert further or improve?

(The worst part of this is the waiting; the next part is their eyes… Maybe it's me, I swear when they look at me, it's like they are waiting for me to tell them what was going to happen next… I know they are lost; I don't blame them I am too. I wish I had the answers, but I don't. What if the accident hinders Donnie from ever recovering from his current mental state? …This is all my fault…)

Desperately April tried to hold back the tears; she had to be strong for Mikey, with his brothers acting the way they were, there was no doubt that he felt alone and she was the only one left for a source of comfort and companionship.

Deep in thought April was taken by surprise, when suddenly a head laid down onto her shoulder as April noticed Mikey was trying not to cry, slowly Mikey wrapped his arm around April hugging her, digging his face into the crook of her neck, as he shuttered.

With a small smile April put her arm around him holding him, soothing his trouble mind, she had to remember she too wasn't alone; at least she still had Mikey to lean on.

Both of them didn't move or said a peep, just sat there consoling each other, yet just to be shattered by a crash that came from the living room, that was so loud it could even be heard in the so called sound proof lab.

Startled both April and Mikey jumped, with wild eyes April looked towards the door, wondering what the hell was going on now.

(What the heck was that?!)

In the corner of her eye, she could see the fear in Mikey as he didn't budge, he was to scared to investigate, no it was more he was afraid of seeing the obvious truth, thing were going to change again.

Slowly April got to her feet, gently patting Mikey on the head, "I will be right back, can you watch Donnie for me?"

With a nod Mikey volunteered, yet his eyes still fixated towards the door, taking her time she reached for it, with a big breath April opened it and then entered the living room, closing the door behind her.

Whatever was going on, it was best to keep Mikey in the dark, then tell him later, she didn't want to make his nerves any worse then they were.

Looking around, she examined the living room to her disbelief, the crashing sound she heard came from the couch that someone clearly somehow picked up and threw it across the room, it lay there on the ground in pieces; it was ruined and had to be replaced.

In the middle of the room, Leo stood with his arms crossed and his shell facing her as she noticed near the elevator was Raph with a pack strapped to his shoulders, giving Leo the finger while he exited the lair.

(… This isn't good…)

April was utterly speechless, was Raph really leaving, now what?

Just noticing her presence Leo turned around, he had a gash on the side of his cheek that was bleeding, his eyes were full of fury, he only gave her a aggressive huff then walked up the stairs to his room without another word, leaving poor April there uncertain what to do.

She never seen Leo so mad, or thought he had such a temper, he was always so calm and was quite capable of controlling his anger in any situation she has seen him in.

(What exactly occurred after I shut the door? I know they where fighting but this… I wasn't expecting this.)

"This isn't the first time," Mikey's voice trembled coming from behind, startling her, she really hated Mikey for his ways of sneaking up behind her.

Just realizing what he had done Mikey gave her an apologising look, with a sigh she looked up towards Leo's room, "They have and was it this bad?"

With a nod Mikey shifted his feet, "Yeah."

April looked at the light green turtle with wondering eyes, "Then what made them make up? Was it just time or someone intervened?"

Mikey shrugged, "I don't know, I… normally piss off when this stuff happens, it easier, not like they would listen to me. Heck they wouldn't even listen to Donnie, the only one that could put any reason in them was… father," Mikey started to shake as the word father left his lips.

(Oh…Mikey…)

Quickly April wrapped her arms around Mikey, this whole thing was really getting to him.

Mikey and his brothers had one brick wall after another, she knew how they felt, each wall that they faced slowly chipped away what strength they had, to the point where they no doubt started to wonder if it was even worth continuing to press on?

Suddenly April could feel something wet and warm run down her shoulders, as she came aware of Mikey finally breaking down and starting to cry, holding him harder desperately trying to bring him some ease, only to fail as she couldn't help but to join him.

(When will any of us finally get a break from all this crap…)


	11. Part 11 - (Month 5)

**Shattered Mind - Part 11 – (****Month 5****)**

* * *

Month 5

* * *

April's heart beat out of control as she darted onward, they wouldn't stop chasing her no matter what path she took, or how fast she ran, nothing she did threw the men with black suits off her scent.

What do they want from her?

(What do I do! I can't keep this up forever…)

The heavy snow fell down clocking the distance making visibility poor as she took her chances continuing on, while the echoing of foot steps of boots antagonized her, forcing her to quicken her step, for they were not to far behind.

(Damn damn damn… I can't let them get me!)

Rushing forward with all the strength she could summon to her leg muscles that had started to tighten with sharpening pain shooting up her body, she made a right turn down an alleyway.

Hoping it would lead to a solution to her predicament, or something that she could throw her hunters off her tracks, hell she didn't care if the way out of this was through a man hole, anything would do.

Despite the white horizon April came to some relief as she could make out a door far in the distance that looked quite promising, if it was unlocked she might find shelter to fool the men that were after her.

(A door, please be unlocked, please be unlocked…Damn it I can't breathe…)

Gasping for air she reached towards the door handle, with luck it was indeed unlocked as she turned it, venturing in quickly.

She didn't bother taking any caution to her actions; she was to much in a panic to care either way.

Without a second thought, April shut the door behind her hoping that the men didn't see her enter and that this door did have a lock, so she could at least slow them down in case they did notice where she went.

(…Am I finally safe? What if they notice me… where are they? Where are you guys…I don't want to be alone anymore… No I have to stay focus, I have to make sure those men don't get me!)

Scrambling with the door handle, seeing if there was a way to lock it, to April dismay she came to the realization that there were no locks of any sorts on the door.

April's heart sank; her so called luck just ran out.

Suddenly an odd sound came somewhere behind her, she froze in fright, gathering some courage she reluctantly turned around to see what would make such a sound, was she really alone?

A cloud of confusion hung over her head.

(What the heck is this?)

April found herself in a dim lighted black room covered with standing mirrors, feeling awkward she debated if she should leave, the place had a eerie sense to it, something about it rattled her soul greatly.

Sweat dripped down her face, she didn't want to stay in this room more then she had too, making the decision it was best that she left and took her chances with the men that were after her, when she went for the door to her horror, it was gone.

(…)

(What's going on? I swore there was a door there a second ago, this isn't possible…)

Lost April stared at the area the door was just at, how could a door just vanish in thin air?

There was no way a door could do that, thinking that the poor lighted room was playing tricks on her, April placed her hand on the wall, it was indeed just that, a wall.

The surface was hard, there was nothing indicating that this was some trick of the mind and for certain she knew this is where she had entered from.

Then the sudden realization hit her as terror squeezed her hard, was she losing her mind?

(This couldn't be happening, this is impossible…)

In an act off desperation, April panicked feeling the wall fully, trying to find the handle, find anything that would explain this bizarre situation, yet to her dismay there wasn't anything there…

(Where is it…where is it…DAMN IT…This can't be happening no no no!)

Frustrated, April slammed her palms onto the wall as a rush of tears dripped down onto her green skin, glistening it, she was truly trapped.

(Why do I keep finding myself alone… I don't want to be alone anymore. How is it that everything always has to fall apart… Raph is gone, Leo is always training ignoring everything around, Mikey is becoming distant as his depression is consuming him… Then Donnie…)

All of her emotions overwhelmed her within seconds, as it flooded into her like a tidal wave that would not die down.

Pressing her forehead onto the wall, April legs suddenly gave out making her fall to her knees while tears rained down her face with no end.

(Why…I don't want to be alone…)

Everything was falling apart, her life was being turn upside down, April desperately held her sides attempting to bring herself some comfort, she felt so lost, alone, she hated all of this…

Even when Donnie was still sick, he was getting better, the brothers were together, they were happy even with the rough patches they had to face… Now it was shattered, everything was broken, there seemed to be nothing left now…

"This is my fault… it's always my fault, my father dies because of me, I destroy any hope Donnie had to recover… Now my actions have torn apart three brothers that only had each other … Why do I keep fucking up… I should have died that day and the next, even the last, fate keeps bring me back to it and I keep surviving, for what?" April sobbed holding herself tighter, as she started breaking down.

The sound that she heard before once again came echoing behind her breaking her train of thought, turning around she only saw the mirrors, with a sigh wiping her tears she got back to her feet.

(If I am here, wherever here is, I should see what is making that sound at least, what else do I have to do?)

The room's atmosphere didn't change the slightest as she reached the center of the room of mirrors, looking around none of the mirrors stood out, they look all the same.

The mirrors where one of those tall standing mirrors with a old wooden frame that had a vintage style to it, why a black painted room full of mirrors, what was the significant of it?

(Who would put so many mirrors in a dark room like this, there aren't even any lamps, or ceiling lights, unless you have night vision, it's really pointless.)

Not far from her, in the corner of her eye one particular mirror caught her attention, looking it over it was ordinary like the rest, yet a odd fearsome energy dwelt inside it.

April could feel it pouring out of it, sickening, poisonous, but she saw nothing, just felt it deep inside herself.

Something in the back of her head screamed at her, warning her, she got the sensation if she touched the mirror something bad would happen.

Not taking any chances she backed away slowly, then the sound came again, this time it wasn't behind, yet all around her, for the life of her, she couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

Then the sound became familiar as she focused on its particular tone, franticly she looked about, realizing all the mirrors were cracking, the sound was something breaking, what did this mean?

As quickly as the sound started, April had no time to react as the mirrors burst in millions of fragments projecting towards her, desperately to protect herself she huddle down covering her head and face with her arms.

(What's going on now!)

The impact was so forceful she could hear the glass beat against her shell, her arms stung with sharp pain.

Huddled on the ground, April remained in her position, not moving a inch, then the sound of glass exploding stopped and the room fell silent again.

(Is it over?)

In what felt like hours she finally put her arms down slowly, she moaned in pain that just got worse by her actions.

Looking over her arms, April was surprised to see no glass or cuts on them, yet the pain was still there, slowly feeling her arms she could only feel her skin.

Uncertain how this could be she shook her head, she had other things to worry about.

The once room full of mirrors was now no more then a room of frames with shattered glass of all shapes cast across the ground, April couldn't tell the difference between the floor or glass anymore.

Of all the destruction, one thing stood, the mirror she feared, the mirror that gave out negative feelings that seemed stronger then ever, teasing her, making her feel horrible every second that passed by.

What was with this mirror, why does it still stand?

(…)

Memorized by the mirror a clicking sound came to her right that broke through her fascination of the tainted mirror.

(…)

(Where did that door come from?)

April watched this mysterious door just swing open, she swore it wasn't there before and was definitely not the one she had come through.

Beyond the door she couldn't tell what was on the other side, only that there was light illuminating from the door, welcoming, beckoning her to enter.

She wanted to go to it, leaving this room behind her, but the shattered glass covered the floor.

What was she to do, stay in the room of fragments of the past, of the sadness, of her fears, or does she brave the sharp pain and go towards the light?

Looking around, these were her mirrors she knew deep down, then the other mirror that was still standing could it be…

(So they are still shattered… have they ever been whole? And that one still stands is it waiting for me to finally give in… The others are gone, nothing more is left. Then what's the point they will never mend, even if I dare to leave. What is the point…on continuing?)

April closed her eyes facing away from the door, she couldn't, she can't, she didn't have the strength anymore.

She lost the war, it was time to finally admit it, she was alone again, there is no one anymore to help her, to save her from falling.

Sighing she gave up, waiting for the door to piss off and the darkness and despair of the last mirror to consume her and shatter like the rest.

Yet the door did not leave, she could still feel it behind her, ignoring it she sat down on the ground holding herself, waiting for it all to finally end.

Then she felt it, something slowly brushing against her cheek, then falling down towards her hands wrapping itself around one of her hands.

It didn't tug or tighten, it was like it was holding her hand, looking at it she was surprised, it was a purple ribbon, no it was the same material as Donnie's bandana and the exact same hue.

(Donnie?)

Uncertain why it was there or where it came from she felt it with her fingers, curiosity started to take over her as she wondered of its origins and the meaning it held.

Feeling it she followed it with her hand, as she did another came from the other side taking her other hand.

(Raph?)

She could feel an attitude coming from the deep red bandana, with a smirk and free willed spirit, also a hidden sense of caring, its feelings were the ones she gets from Raph.

Two more joined the red wrapping around her hand, a brilliant orange, a laughter came from it, joy, a child like heart, the feelings of Mikey.

(Mikey?)

The last a deep blue, independent, trusting, someone she could always depend on, the feeling of Leo.

(Leo?)

Looking at them the realization came to her as she noticed they were coming from behind, looking over her shoulders the bandanas continued on towards the door, disappearing within its light, they were trying to make her to reconsider taking that path instead.

Suddenly the purple tugged at her, not hard though, but more as an action to remind her it was best for her to finally leave, staring at it she pulled and it would not give.

Whatever it was truly attached to didn't want to come in, leaving one option for her, to follow them.

Unable to figure anyway to the door without walking over the glass, she couldn't see any other conclusion, with a big breath; she took the first step as the pain ricocheted up her body.

The purple bandana wrapped around her more as if trying to comfort her followed by the red helping her along.

Each step was worse then the last, yet she didn't give up, by the time she made to the door she was covered in blood and the pain was overwhelming, but she didn't care, for what was on the other side of the door was going to make it all better as she held the bandanas tighter to her heart.

They were there!

(I can't give in, not now, for them, for me, for my new family.)

Light filled her, then she felt a slight chill as she opened her eyes, the room was a bit cold.

Shivering she sat up on the couch, she still was wrapped with layers of blankets, which didn't help her chill.

Silence filled the lab, not a soul was insight except for Mikey, who in turn looked like he was shaking from the unexpected cold.

Mikey sat there fast asleep in the comfy chair that was beside the cot that Donnie was laying on.

Looking down at her hands, April could still feel the bandanas although they were not there.

(What a dream…)

April shook her head, uncertain its true meaning, yet deep inside she had an idea, her world was like those mirrors shattering in pieces one at a time until there was nothing left.

It's been a rough two weeks since Raph left and things were drowning under the weight of the depression from Donnie's condition.

What didn't help was that Raph was out there; who the hell knows where, doing what, no one knew.

Leo was lost in his pride or was it his own fears, either way he refused to retrieve his brother, his way in dealing with everything was shutting both her and Mikey out, he even didn't dare to enter the lab to see how Donnie was doing.

All he did was meditate, she understood it was how the elder brother looked for answers, yet he was so blind of the obvious answer in front of him…they had to stick together, they only had each other now…

(DAMN IT!)

April threw her head into her hands in frustration, she was tired of this, she couldn't bare another day with Mikey with his eyes, they became so empty and hollow that she didn't recognized him anymore, she feared he would be lost in them forever if nothing changed.

(What can I do?)

Looking over towards Donnie, his bandana laid beside him, with determined eyes she stared at it, she was the only one that can do something now.

Was that what the dream was implying, showing her the way out of this?

What did she have to lose, for as it stands everything is almost so far gone, that if nothing is done soon, the last mirror will shatter leaving a vile black room poisoned with regret, sadness and despair.

She couldn't let that last mirror to fall victim to the situation, she had to bring light to that room and restore those mirrors, only she could…

No that's not what the dream meant… it was about them working together, together they can do it, but first she had to make the stepping stones that everyone have forgotten about to achieve their goals.

Slowly she got up creeping towards Donnie, trying not to disturb Mikey, she wished not to wake him.

Living with ninjas they did teach her a few tricks, taking the bandana she needed it for what she was up too.

Mikey shifted, yet luckily didn't awaken, carefully April tucked another blanket around him kissing him on the forehead, then put another blanket onto Donnie, "I promise when you do wake up Donnie, we will all be here, waiting for you,. So get better, wake up soon, don't give up, for I am not so you can't either…," giving him a sweet kiss on the head she left the room, it was time to bring Raph home.


End file.
